Nothing is Written

I haven't written in here in what seems like centuries...the only reason I even looked is because I haven't really been able to sleep lately and I was on the computer anyway and I thought I would have an auld gander. Totally wish I had some news. I am sure I do but what seemed like news once upon a time doesn't seem so now. If I were a Christian Scientist I think I would be an absolutely useless one, because I would have no idea what I wanted to manifest...
Except a certain psychological state...but I don't know how to get it...How come in the first half of their twenties some people have an invisible poetry lobotomy and others don't? I just thought that when I was walking along by the sea tonight, trying to think of something to think about. All I could think about was ways of saying "Thank You" for a couple of nice interesting things that happened to me over the past few days, but I think they would be only interesting to me, not the general reader.
Mum bought me some wine so I would sleep tonight, but no, I am up drinking it and happily poodling along. Somehow the hours between 12 midnight and 6am, I am more full of energy than any other time. Thank God I don't REALLY have to get up in the mornings. But the end of this week is gonna be busy and I need to readjust my timings. Plus manage to encapsulate enough Michael Chekhov to fill a twelve hour workshop over a weekend. Hell I can teach it, but SUMMARISE it? I don't like doing that as I think the way to teach it should be entirely experiential, but in a weekend I have to think more about that little wee thing called a "nutshell"
I remember when I started in Drama School they had to teach me how not to be an academic or intellectual. Now I couldn't be one if I tried...and I do have a bigger academic project in mind, but I don't think I'd ever have the study skills!!!
Sorry I wish I could tell you about an interesting boy or even person but I don't know one. Oh how things have changed. Can you really be happy and not particularly interested? And I don't mean just interested in a romantic sense?
I do hate this country though. I keep trying not to. It's so weird. What has happened to it since I have been away? Where is any of the joy or mischief or innocence in people? Alot of the time I try to drill myself in the things I like about it and why I should like it. But I don't. I am not going to give up though. And I am not going to give into the black, mean-spirited, cynical damp that sets in once you arrive here. The lightness once you leave! I can't understand it. Ireland I WILL make my peace with you. Let's pick three nice things...
1) Connemara is like a beautiful, ever-shifting watercolour
2) The River Corrib is the only deliciously wild river I have ever seen running through a city.
3) There are a few people I love here - I will pick my Mum as tonights example. She hates it here too!

I caught his drowning soul
But he pulled me down beneath the waves
In his tenacious grip.
We swam the underworld.
Speechless, bubble-breath,
The words would not be touched -
They floated to a surface beyond
Our subterranean reach,
The meanings encased in frangible rainbows
Never to be released.

And I longed to be his siren
Though we could not sing in tongues
Of the sky above us -
We could not read the map of stars
That could reveal the secret
Of why we two were lost.

So I slept inside a conch-shell,
Enclosing myself in a satin world.
I basked inside my silence
But was awoken by pearly hands
Telling me my skin was treasure.
Hauled upwards to the surface
I drifted on waves of pleasure
And I was shown my face in a glistening pool,
My laughter trickled out
In the sunny air.
My arms were gathered, still stretching for the deep,
I was soothed back into a heavy sleep.

And when I slept, I dreamt of drowning -
And when I spoke my words were transformed
Into flies that burrowed into my ears
Hissing strange and ancient fears.

So I clasped him with my desperate grip,
Straining to pull this noble ship
Down to the floor, to the eternal bed
Of hope, of disappointment,
So I could lie
And breathe soap-bubbles to the sky.

Closing my eyes
To open my soul
To huge St Petersburg
Blues and Golds.

Not in the melody
The hushes and flares
Do I unravel
These life-bound cares,

But the big expansion
Of layers of beauty -
The symphonic suggestion
Of all there could be.

The music surges
And strives me to my best
Self - this is a test
To see if life

Is bigger than the grinding strife-
To see if colours,
Muted, blow
Into the ultimate
Extravaganza of the Soul.

Tomorrow is our first ever performance in front of an audience. I've been working on this for over 9 months now and its my baby! We have finally settled into an amazingly committed group all of whom are completely passionate about the work we are doing...it makes me so happy to sit around with them at the end of an evenings rehearsal and here them discuss the work with such interest and clarity. This week in particular because of the deadline of the show and intense rehearsal period has been a particularly steep learning curve for all of us. And I have so much material for my dissertation!
So rehearsal at 4 today and then tomorrow...aaaaagggghhhhhh!
And it won't stop there, once the show is out of the way the real work starts in doing regular gigs, corporate work and developing as a group. I have very clear ideas now about what we need to do and the different ways in which we can apply the work.
The sky's the limit!

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I WANNA KNOW YOU...I want to know 33 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine...You're on my list, so I wanna know you better! =)

1. Can you cook?

2. What was your dream growing up?

3. What talent do you wish you had?

4. Favorite place?

5. Favorite vegetable?

6. What was the last book you read?

7. What zodiac sign are u ?

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

9. Worst Habit?

10. Do we know each other outside of lj?

11. What is your favorite sport?

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:

16. Do u have any pets?

17. Do u know how to do the macerana?

18. What time is it where u are now?

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22. What color eyes do you have?

23. Ever been arrested?

24. Bottle or Draft?

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?

27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30. Do you swear a lot?

31. Biggest pet peeve?

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Right according to Nancy its the other way around. If you leave a comment I will tell you all these things about YOU.

I've done you already Nancy but Emer if you leave a comment I will do you! And of course anyone else who may wish me to answer these questions.

1)Tell you why I friended you.
2)Associate you with a song/movie.
3)Tell a random fact about you.
4)Tell my first memory of you.
5)Tell you what I would change about you in the Seraverse.
6)Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7)In return, you MUST spread this disease in your LJ.

Pronouns sometimes bring out my right/left block. I can't explain it.

The pronouns on this are confusing but I think you are meant to comment and answer these questions about ME!!!

1)Tell you why I friended you.
2)Associate you with a song/movie.
3)Tell a random fact about you.
4)Tell my first memory of you.
5)Tell you what I would change about you in the Nanciverse.
6)Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7)In return, you MUST spread this disease in your LJ.

I am on a complete high from being home and seeing my family. We had the best cousins night out EVER last night and its so hard to describe how amazing it is to be around these wonderful individuals I have grown up with all my life and to see them get more and more incredible with every passing year. But nothing changes when we are all together and nothing is QUITE as much fun as getting together with them and going out. I hope it always stays like this - its like a magical anchor that reminds you of the best part of yourself that comes from childhood, from your identity as a family, we have a whole common mythology, sense of humour, internal language no matter how different our paths in life (though we all have an arty side!) I was so tired coming back and a little shaky with some of the petty shit that has been going on in Glasgow lately and now I feel STRONG again and the niggly things don't matter so much. Even if it is difficult with my Dad and Uncles and Aunts at times, it is more than compensated for by our generation.
And seeing my lovely lovely brothers...and my gorgeous little Mum who is working so hard in her shop and doing so well...and just hanging out together in her flat, talking silly and just BEING together. I have needed this so badly. I am lucky to have the support I have in Glasgow, but there is nothing like family.
Now I need to see the Incredible Occurred Nancy and the Delicious Redheadedjuliet to make life just perfect.

take the WHAT BAD BOOK ARE YOU test.


and go to mewing.net. not as good as reading a good book, but way better than a bad one.

Your Vocabulary Score: A

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary! You must be quite an erudite person.

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test
Category	Your Score	Average LJer
Community Attachment	25.81% You've got pals to cheer you up when you're down, but no audience to applaud you... Yet.	22.57%
MemeSheepage	21.05% Only trendy when it's sufficiently entertaining	27.89%
Original Content	41.94% Some stories must be told - and you're the one to tell them	37.81%
Psychodrama Quotient	16.87% Your dark side's safe with us	16.73%
Attention Whoring	6.82% Low-key and lovin' it	20.63%
Take The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

( My Interests Collage! )

I've had viral gastroenteritis and been bedridden for 2 days now but it has been wonderful because I haven't had to go to work. I wish I had this all the time. I said I would go in tomorrow cause they were making me feel guilty but I still amn't very well. I don't think they care - I said I would go in on the condition that if I started feeling unwell I could go straight back home again.
I really need a new job! And I need to find a place to live! And I need to write back to Howard Barker! The last thing I could have done while bedridden but I didn't feel like it. I read loads of his plays though.
I learned a new chat up line while in Ireland

"Do you want to go halves on a bastard?"

I love it!

Responding to Redheadedjuliets tag...

1 - I used to refuse to use Peterborough bus station because I "didn't like the shape of it"

2 - I will not iron and I will not clean the bathroom

3 - I have read "Gone with the Wind" 8 times...all before the age of 12!

4 - I can put both legs behind my head

5 - I used to fancy Giuseppe Signori the Italian footballer

6 - My greatest ambition used to be to find out the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle

I tag Bitchinboxers, deetime, fort kanji, violetsandvalium, shazmatazz

A Pirate Raider You scored 3 Honor, 5 Justice, 7 Adventure, and 8 Individuality!

More than just the usual swabbie, you demand not only the life at sea, free from landlubbers and their rules, but also you require adventure and excitement. You're happiest when the guns are blazing, the risk high, the outcome uncertain, but the chance for reward substansial. Your kind are welcomed as allies and feared as enemies. Put on your wooden leg and hook. You'll do just fine!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Ninjinuity You scored higher than 99% on Knightlyness You scored higher than 99% on Cowboiosity You scored higher than 99% on Piratical Bent

Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I got offered a paid directing gig for next april yesterday. "Rope" by Patrick Hamilton which was made into a film by Hitchcock.

You scored as William Wallace. The great Scottish warrior William Wallace led his people against their English oppressors in a campaign that won independence for Scotland and immortalized him in the hearts of his countrymen. With his warrior's heart, tactician's mind, and poet's soul, Wallace was a brilliant leader. He just wanted to live a simple life on his farm, but he gave it up to help his country in its time of need. </td> William Wallace 79% Indiana Jones 71% The Amazing Spider-Man 63% Maximus 63% Batman, the Dark Knight 63% El Zorro 58% Neo, the "One" 54% Lara Croft 54% Captain Jack Sparrow 50% James Bond, Agent 007 50% The Terminator 25% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com